


And So Shall I rule

by Firetribe, Peridot_Lyoness



Category: Black Dagger Brotherhood - J. R. Ward
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Brotherhood, Drama, Drug Addiction, F/M, M/M, Redemption, Relationship(s), Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-09-14 13:47:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9184201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firetribe/pseuds/Firetribe, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peridot_Lyoness/pseuds/Peridot_Lyoness
Summary: Phury, son of Ahgony, has lost everything. Since he overdosed on heroin in the Brotherhood's mansion, his life has been on downward spiral. The Brotherhood wants nothing to do with him. Cormia has returned to the Sanctuary. All that is left is his addiction. But heroin is a demanding lover and it gives only fleeting moments of oblivion.  Swallowed by the darkness the end is not that far away. Will Phury find his way?This fan fic is is dated in the era of Lover Enshrined - post Phury's overdose. It will help, if you have read the first five books in BDB -series. This is AU with a little Vutch sidestory.I'm honored to have Peridot_Lyoness as my beta and co-writer, her contribution makes all the difference. Thank you, Peridot!





	1. Road to perdition

*** * * * * * ***

 

The steel shutters were closed, leaving the Pit dark. Only the TV illuminated the room, the muted voice of the sports commentator quiet on the background. "Did you see Z at the First Meal? I swear his eyes are turning black again," Butch sighed as he lifted his legs on the sofa and leaned back on a muscled chest, holding a tumbler of Lagavulin on his hand.

 

Vishous opened his legs to give the male more room. The aromatic smoke of Turkish tobacco drifted in the air as Vishous exhaled:"Yeah, I saw him. This whole situation is killing him."

"Do you regret it? Letting Phury take your place?" Butch asked.

"No, I got you. I'll never regret us," V said as he lowered his head and slowly licked a path along Butch's jugular. Butch couldn't hold back the purr, turning his head to give V better access. He'd never give up what they had either, but he couldn't help feeling the gnawing guilt for the sacrifice Phury had made. It was Phury's offer to take the Primale's position that had made their relationship possible.

 

Meanwhile, in the outskirts of Caldwell, Zsadist walked in the shadows. This part of the town was not a pretty sight. As the light from  a street lamp hit him, a homeless man disappeared under his cardboard boxes. The sight of Z would have scared the shit out of anyone. Every inch and every gesture identified him like the 6'6'' killing machine that he was.

 

He got the motel in sight where Butch had located Phury one night while patrolling. It had seen better days, only half of the vacancy sign was lit and the plastering on the walls was cracking. Zsadist  stopped when he heard voices coming from the vacant parking lot. The parking lot was full of potholes filled with water and the only lamplight was blinking, only a few beat up cars parked. He noticed also Phury's BMW. Its side windows were trashed and gone were the expensive rims. But obviously Phury didn't care.

 

Zsadist withdrew into the shadows and listened. By the light of the one lamplight he saw Phury talking to a blond woman. Phury gave her wad of money and the woman slipped something into his palm. "I'll be seeing you again goldilocks! It's always a pleasure doing business with you, " she said, then climbed into a SUV and drove away. Phury didn't look back as he climbed the stairs and walked the open corridor, heading to his room. When the door closed, Zsadist kept to the shadows and when he was convinced that he was alone, he quietly followed Phury to the stairs.

 

Phury went straight into the bathroom. It was filthy, stained with probably thousands of guests before him and the stale air made it hard to breathe. It was the complete opposite of everything he had grown used to after decades in the Brotherhood. But right now it didn't matter. All he could think of was the pouch of white powder in his pocket. He had lost his appetite. He didn't miss the Brotherhood. He had something better. Heroin's sweet bliss made everything else seem dull.

 

Phury took the pouch out of his pocket and squeezed it against his palm. The anticipation made his heart race, his hands shaking at the thought of the imminent oblivion. On the sink waited his equipment to the temporary perdition. Phury leaned on the vanity and looked at himself in the mirror. The eyes that used to shine so brightly yellow were now murky, like frozen puddles of piss. "How appropriate", Phury thought sardonically. Bastard was a very  mild name for who he had become. He had been a total asshole by falling in love with his twin's female. And as if that wasn't enough, he had also bonded with her.

 

Phury's mind wandered back to the night when he had fed from Bella at the clinic. How heavenly had the taste of her blood been. And Phury couldn't help himself or change the vampire biology, not even the pregnancy he had tasted in her blood had been able to stop him. His spicy bonding scent had filled the room and he had been incapable to stop it or hide his erection pushing against the fly of his trousers. Only thing that had prevented him from acting on his desire was Butch sitting in the corner of the room. Phury had glanced at Butch and seen his nostrils flare, he had noted the scent too. But Butch had stayed quiet, staring at the tips of his fine shoes while Phury had continued drinking.

 

At some point Butch had found the situation far too intimate, and he had left. Phury had become intoxicated from the flavor of Bella's blood, swirling it on his tongue down his throat. Bella had caressed his hair. Her every touch had made Phury's cock pulse demandingly. There was no way that Bella hadn't heard his low purr because she had pushed her long fingers into his multicolored mane and squeezed tight. That had pushed Phury over the edge, his muscles had tensed and he had let go of Bella's wrist as a powerful orgasm had washed over him, wet fabric sticking to his skin.

 

Phury had squeezed his eyes shut tight as the tremors had finally faded. The room had been dead quiet apart from Phury's labored breathing. He hadn't been able to look Bella in the eye."I'm sorry, please forgive me..." was all he had repeated in old language as he had fled the room. Bella's whisper had echoed in his ears, "Phury...".

 

Self loathing was like tidal wave washing over him as he focused his gaze back on the mirror. He wished he had died in fight against lessers, a dignified warrior's death in the field. That would have redeemed him, even though he wasn't sure if Zsadist knew what had gone down in the clinic.

 

Offering to take the role of the Primale had been nothing more  but an attempt to make amends, to leave the Brotherhood honorably and never return. But the addictions to Bella and red smoke had been too strong and he had been too weak. Heroin had been his last resort to get Bella out of his system. And then he had overdosed. Shooting heroin was yet another thing where he had disappointed everyone. If there was anything good in his current situation, it was that the Wizard had finally fallen silent.  Apparently after he was kicked out of the mansion three months ago, he had sunk so low that even his addiction wanted nothing to do with him.

 

Zsadist stopped by the door and took a deep breath. He had to see this himself. It had been three months since he had told Phury that neither he nor the brothers could deal with his addiction any longer. This was the first time he had gone to see him. He hesitated for a moment, but then willed the door open. The room was dark, only light coming from the bathroom. Without making a sound, he walked in until he saw into the bathroom.  Z cursed silently. Phury had to be in really bad shape because otherwise he'd have sensed his twin's presence out in the parking lot. Now he stood in front of the mirror, totally clueless.

 

Careful not to waste anything with his hands shaking, Phury sat on the toilet lid, dosed the white powder onto a spoon and added water from a bottle. With his golden lighter he warmed the spoon until the powder had dissolved. Phury took a syringe and drew the heroin into the needle through a small cotton ball. Then he looped his belt around his upper arm and tightened it before tapping the crook of his arm with his fingers. The vein bulged from the pressure, some holes visibly infected. After finding a patch in some decent shape, the needle pierced the skin. Red blood on the syringe told him that he had hit home. Slowly he pushed the liquid into his vein and closed his eyes. His head fell backward as his current lover took over his body. At this moment he felt no pain, no guilt, no remorse. At this moment life was beautiful, the nightmares that kept him awake, gone. As if he had stepped from darkness into the sunlight, warmth covering his whole body. And still it wasn't quite like the first time, his chase for the bliss he had felt then was futile, that pleasure was gone. He was prisoner of his addiction and a slave to heroin.

 

Z backed out of the room and closed the door. He had seen enough, too much. There was only one thing he could do and he sure as hell would at least try. In the darkest corner of the parking lot, he dematerialized home.

 

Zsadist took the stairs two at the time and headed for his room. Quietly he opened the door and sighed in relief when he saw his shellan sleeping, her arms wrapped protectively around her pregnant belly. Z closed the door behind him and went to take a shower. As he was tying the towel around his waist, he saw Bella in the steamy bathroom mirror. She was standing behind him, eyes sleepy and smiling, "Hey...". "You should be in bed, leelan. Remember what Havers told you," Z said, guiding her back to the bed. Bella watched her mate and thought of everything beautiful that was hidden underneath that tough exterior. But something was going on. "What's wrong?"

 

Z sighed and sat on the bed rubbing his face. Bella waited patiently while he gathered  his thoughts. "I... I saw Phury today...fuck, Bella...he's my brother... I just can't let him die..." Bella sat up and massaged the tense muscles on Z's back. "He was where Butch spotted him, in this cheap, dirty motel... I don't get it, he has money... and he's not smoking red smoke anymore, he's seriously doing heroin. I'm so afraid that he has finally given up... on everything."

Bella's hands quit in the middle of the movement, "This is all my fault, I shouldn't have led him into temptation."

"What do you mean? You didn't lead him on. You can't blame yourself and we sure as hell can't blame Phury, you just can't choose whom you fall in love with."

"But I've could have done things differently, now he doesn't have... I mean,  hadn't I been so stubborn, so determined to show you that I can make my own decisions and prove you wrong, he would still have a chance."

Zsadist turned sideways to face Bella "Now I don't understand."

"He fed from me in the clinic."

"Yeah, I know and I'm grateful. It was your blood that led us to him and saved him from that lesser."

"Something else happened at Haver's too and I did nothing to stop it." Bella could feel Z's muscles tense under her palm.

"What do you mean?"

"I want you to understand that feeding got Phury... he was... he couldn't help himself."

"Did he hurt you?". Now Zsadist's tone was angry.

"No! He'd never do that, you know your twin! But the situation being what it was, he couldn't hold back his bonding scent... So I never should have fed him. I just didn't think that his feelings were that deep, way beyond infatuation."

"Fucking hell..." Z muttered as he understood what had gone down and what it meant. Even if his brother fell in love again, he would never be a fully bonded male, ever again. That was just vampire biology. Now he understood a little better what drove Phury to heroin, to seek oblivion and escape from the reality. At first, there was no room for others than him in Phury's life. He had been determined to save Z and make up to him all the horrors he had been through. And finally when Z's life had gotten better, Phury had fell in love with the one female he could never have.

 

Z turned to Bella and gently kissed her. "Please don't blame yourself, nalla. I'm glad that you told me. I've got to talk to Wrath." He kissed Bella once more, then got out of the bed and got dressed. He got to the hallway just as Wrath was leaving the study.

"Wait, I need to talk with you." Wrath turned around and Z closed to door behind them. Wrath crossed his arms over his wide chest and leaned on the desk. "So spill it. What's keeping me from my shellan?".

Z walked to the window and watched as the dawn colored the horizon. "I miss Phury," he started.

"We all do," Wrath said taking his wraparounds off and rubbing his eyes. "The Brotherhood isn't the same without him."

"I saw him today," Z continued, "and I want to bring him back."

Wrath put his wraparounds back on, pushed himself off the desk and walked to Zsadist. He didn't touch, but he stood by him, their shoulders almost brushing. "You know he can't come back, I can't allow that shit here. You're going to be father soon and I doubt that you'd want your child near that stuff or finding Phury's paraphernalia. And I can't endanger the Brotherhood. Right now your twin is a liability that we can't afford to have."

"He's on his way to the grave! He's a goddamn Brother! We can't just leave him." Zsadist's eyes were pitch black when he turned to look at his king.

"I'm sorry, but as long as he's using, he has no place here."

"I've got to help him. All these years he's suffered on my account, I just got to do something..."

Wrath sighed, feeling the pounding of his headache increasing. "I understand you. This whole situation is just so fucked up. Our race needs a Primale and the Brotherhood is short of two Brothers... What you do on your own time is your business, but if it interferes in anyway your duty as a Brother and warrior, it becomes my business."

"Understood."

 

Zsadist returned to his room and leaned on the door. What the hell could he do? He knew that Phury hadn't been in touch with anyone since he was kicked out. It was actually fucking sad that he had drifted so far away from the Brotherhood. It would be difficult to force Phury to do anything, but there had to some kind of way. If the unthinkable happened and he'd be able to drag Phury away from that shit hole, where could he take him? They no longer had the apartment they had lived in before moving into the mansion. Z rubbed his temples. He had to figure this out. He owed Phury that.

 

"Z?", Bella turned on the bedside lamp. "Come to bed, you must be exhausted." Zsadist nodded, discarded his clothes and slipped under the covers.

"You want to tell me what you talked with our King?"

"I want to bring him back, help him, but Wrath won't allow him in the mansion. I don't know if I even could persuade him to come with me, but if I do, where can I take him?"

Bella was quiet as she thought of what Z said. "You know, my brother has this house at the Adirondack's. I don't think that he uses it much. It would be perfect. Away from the city, away from the Brotherhood."

"You think that he'd rent it to me? It sounds perfect. I'll call him first thing in the evening. Now turn off the light, you need the sleep."

Bella turned the lamp off and cuddled against Z's massive body. Zsadist held her tight against him in the darkness. The fear that he was too late and that he had already lost his twin kept him awake.

 

 


	2. Rock Bottom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When hitting rock bottom, you have to weigh your options and make a decision that determines whether you end up six feet under or back on the surface breathing fresh air again.

Zsadist hadn't slept well. As soon as the metal shutters rose for the night, he opened his eyes and slipped out of bed. He took a second to contemplate Bella and thought how beautiful his shellan looked with her brown hair flared on the pillow. In the pale moonlight, he found his way to the walk-in closet. Softly he closed the door and put on his black sweats, that were cotton-soft from wear and a black turtleneck. Bella was still asleep when he grabbed his phone from the night table and stepped out into the hallway. The house was quiet, as only the doggen were up were preparing the First Meal. Still, Z’s mission required privacy and he headed for the library.

 

He listened the ringing of the phone for good half a minute before he heard Rehvenge's thick voice. "Yeah?". Z wasn't one for small talk. "Rehvenge."

"Zsadist," Rehv responded quickly, certainly alert and recognizing the voice on the other end. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call? Is my sister okay?". There was a hint of worry in his voice.

"She's fine. It's about Phury."

"What about him?” Zsadist heard the rustle in the background. Apparently the bastard was still in bed.

“Bella said that you could help.” Z ground his teeth, trying to keep his voice level. He hated to be asking for favors, especially from Rehvenge, but none of the brothers had other places except for Tohrment and Vishous, and he was sure that neither of them would be good places for Phury’s recovery.

“I did as you asked me and quit supplying the red smoke. And sure as hell I'm not providing the shit he's shooting up in that piece of a shit motel."

"How did you know?" Z was surprised that Rehvenge knew of his twin's current condition.

" I know how all the merch moves in this city. So, I ask again, why do you call?" Rehvenge drawled, as if Z was wasting his precious time by asking stupid questions.

"I want him out of there. Bella told me that you have a house at the Adirondack's that I can rent. "

"I see. She's right. But I don't rent it."

"Oh, well..." Z couldn't help sounding disappointed.

"...but I didn't say you couldn't use it. It's yours for as long as you need it. I need one room, once a month for a day or two, but otherwise, it's yours free of charge. Consider it as a brother-in -law favor. He's family after all. But getting Phury there ... that's going to be difficult, perhaps impossible, even for you."

Z could hear the compassion in Rehv's voice and sighed deeply. "I've got to try."

"Okay then. I'll send I'Am to fill up the kitchen cabinets." The phone call lasted few more minutes as Rehv told Z about the keys and security.

 

After hanging up with Rehvenge, Zsadist stared at the blacked-out cell phone screen. He raked a hand through his buzz cut hair. Securing the space had been relatively easy. Now he needed a plan how to retrieve Phury. Tonight was his night off, so after the First Meal he'd pay Phury a visit, and hopefully he'd be able to reason with him.  Phury was a reasonable male; he’d listen. That was Z’s plan A. He didn’t have plan B other than repeating plan A as many times as necessary... perhaps enhanced with some ass-kicking.

 

In the motel, Phury opened his heavy eyelids and stared at the filthy ceiling. His limbs were stiff and he could still feel the false calm of heroin in his body. Slowly he sat up and set his feet on the floor. The carpet was disgusting, sticky stained that were better left uninvestigated and cigarette burns all over it. Not that it bothered him much, but he remembered the soft, fresh smelling carpets in the mansion. Compared to that, the shit under his feet was something akin to pigsty.

 

He winced in pain as he put weight on his stump of a leg. He wasn't sure when was the last time he had taken the prosthesis or the liner off. Heroin was such an effective pain killer that whatever pain he felt, it was for only short moments between doses. Sitting there, he drew the stale air into his lungs, preparing to stand up. He frowned. The hint of a familiar scent lingered in his nose. At first, he couldn't pinpoint the smell, but after drawing in another lungful of air, Phury could have sworn that he detected the dark musk and evergreen spice in the air, the scent of his twin.  A bitter laugh escaped his lips as he thought that, finally, he had lost the last of his sanity.  Shaking his head, he stood up. He hated this cheap motel and all its ugliness, but it was what he sought. Sure, he had the money to live in the penthouse suite of the finest hotel in Caldwell. However, his activities would attract the attention of the nosy staff. Here, in this low-life neighborhood, nobody cared.

 

After getting dressed, Phury stepped out of his room. The abrasion in his stump hurt and made his limping apparent. Outside the sun had just set and all kinds of creatures of the night showed up on the suddenly noisy streets. This wasn't his type of environs, but the banishment from the Brotherhood had led him here. He could see the whores lining up under the lamplight by the road, their pimps standing in the shadows.  The women in their skimpy clothes fluffed their hair and took seductive poses to sell their bodies. Phury didn’t judge them; he knew how low desperation could make one stoop.  When he had made the decision to shoot up the heroin in the mansion, he had wanted to feel the rush and numb his inner turmoil. He had wanted to escape from reality; the expectations that everyone had for the new Primale, to forget how wrong he had done by both Bella and Cormia, and to silence the Wizard fucking with his mind. So yeah, he recognized desperate acts when he saw them.

 

Phury walked past past them all, the women's innuendos filling his ears. They didn’t know that their efforts were wasted on him. Whatever sexual appetite or ability he used to have was dampened now, thanks to the drugs. Well, whatever he thought he might have had. His vast experience was limited to his right hand, an embarrassing brief attempt with a whore, and the short instinct-fueled encounter with his First Mate. Another thing to add to the long list of pathetic things in his life.

 

He walked on towards the fast food joint. He wasn't that hungry, but he had enough reason left that he knew he had to eat. Eating once in a while was just another physiological demand which he had too often neglected lately.

 

Just as he turned around the corner, he heard a familiar voice behind him. "Phury!". The vampire halted but didn't turn to look until he felt his twin's hand on his shoulder and heard him speak. "Phury, wait."

"Why? You got something you wanna say?" Phury snapped at Zsadist.

Z dropped his hand and asked the first thing that had gotten his attention as he had watched Phury walk. "Why are you limping so bad?"

A wicked grin spread across Phury's face, distorting his handsome features. "I don't know... maybe because I SHOT my leg off to get off that cliff before the sun fried us both? Remember?"

Z's eyes bored into Phury's. For a moment they flashed black and Phury saw the male that was dead inside, the male Z used to be. "I remember. No need to be an asshole,” Z said in cold, flat voice.

Now Phury laughed bitterly. "No need to be an asshole? Don't you think it's a little too late for that? You guys kicked me out of the Brotherhood; fucking dumped me like yesterday's garbage. Don't you think that I deserved something more? After all that I've done for you and the others? Maybe a little recognition, at least from you, would have been nice? But no, you sanctimonious fuckers! One small mistake on my part..."

 

Z felt the anger boil inside him. He didn't want to go down this road again. Fuming, he fisted his hands and growled "Fuck you Phury! A little mistake? Do you call overdosing in our home a little mistake? We've all been through our fair share of shit in our lives, so quit feeling sorry for yourself!" Now he was straight up on his brother's grill, their noses almost brushing.

 

Phury didn't back an inch. Instead, he acted like the whole conversation bored him and averted his gaze towards the black night sky. "Whatever. Was there a point to this walk through the memory lane?" Z stepped back and rolled his head on his shoulders to ease the tension. Then he spoke again, so softly that Phury almost didn’t hear him. ”I want to help you. You look like shit... I mean, how much weight have you lost? I want to take you someplace to heal.  Me and my shellan want you to get better so that you can be there to greet your little niece or nephew."

 

Phury couldn't' t hide the bitterness in his voice as he looked straight at Z. " Oh, I see. Is your conscience finally eating at you? Now that everything's turning out the right way in your life, you can ease your guilt by doing charity. Well, fuck you. I'm going nowhere. I'm fine where I'm at and don't need your help. Give my regards to your shellan and just leave me alone."

 

Phury pivoted and resumed walking, not looking back. Zsadist stared at the receding figure of his brother. This wasn't how he had imagined the outcome. How come at times they acted like they were each other's worst enemies? What Z saw in his twin's eyes chilled him to his bones. It reminded him too much of what he used to find in his mirror for centuries before Bella came into his life. Z cursed and walked away. There was no point going after him and cause a scene in the middle of the street. In the back alley, he needed to take couple of deep breaths before he was calm enough to dematerialize home. He'd try again his next night off.

 

When Fritz unlocked the door, the warmth of the mansion enveloped him in welcome as he stepped inside the grand front hall. This was home. And his brother should have been there too. All he sought was to help his twin, but Phury had efficiently brushed him off. Suddenly he froze as he was about to take the stairs up to his room. The realization hit him like a freight train between the fourth and fifth intercostal space, and he understood what Phury had felt all those years when they had roamed together; the need to save his twin, to make amends for everything Z had lost. And now the tables had turned, and Phury was exactly as he had been, so wrapped up in agony and fucked up thoughts that he wouldn't let anybody near him. Zsadist felt like fate mocked him.

 

Z climbed the stairs and sat down on the small bench in the hall of statues. He was sad that he and Phury had drifted so far apart. Z didn't feel desperate, but he felt very much helpless. He had no way to force Phury to do anything. It didn't matter what he thought was best for Phury; it didn't matter that he didn't want him to die. It was Phury's decision, his alone. He stood up and walked to his door. Zsadist took a dep breath, trying to clear his mind before he opened the door and was greeted by the sight of his beautiful Bella. She stood by the mirror, her back to the door, combing her long, mahogany hair. Her silk gown showed the outlines of her graceful body, her full breasts and round baby belly making her more beautiful than ever. Watching her Z understood fully why his twin had fallen for Bella. She was perfect, would have been perfect for Phury too. But she had chosen him, the scarred one, to be her mate. Still, in days like today, he questioned if he truly was worthy of her.

 

He sought the warmth of his shellan and hugged her from behind. His bonding scent filled the room as he thought how much he loved her and the young she was carrying inside her.

 "You're back." Bella leaned on his chest and looked up studying his face. "I gather that it didn't go well with Phury?" She laid down the comb and turned to face him.

"He's a stubborn asshole."

Bella couldn't help smiling at her mate's words. She leaned back to look at her hellren straight in the face. "I know someone who is just as stubborn. It wasn't that long ago that trying to reason with you was like hitting one's head against a concrete wall, repeatedly. Why would your twin be any different?"'

 

Z scooped Bella into his arms and carried her to the bed. "It’s just so frustrating. But I'll have a night off in three days. I'll go back again. As many times as I have to."

"Eventually he'll come around," Bella assured him and scooted up on the bed.

"What kept you going when I pushed you away?" Z sat on the bed and started to take off his boots. "You know, when I was avoiding you?"

"Love. And I saw behind the stonewall you had built around yourself. First, it was just small glimpses but enough to convince me that you were worth all my efforts. And your harsh words were only meant to scare me away, to give you an excuse to keep punishing yourself."

Z stared at the plush rug, his boots hanging from his hands. Bella knew that both brothers battled monsters that would never completely go away. They might be able to lock them in a closet, but they'd always be there. She reached for her hellren's hand and drew him on her lap. She showered his trimmed skull with light kisses and whispered "We'll get him back."

 

The next three days were hard for Zsadist. Other than Wrath and Bella, no one in the mansion knew of his plans to reach out to Phury. Still, everyone noticed that something was eating him. Most of them just assumed that it was Bella's pregnancy that worried him, especially now that she had been ordered to bed rest.  

 

Z knew that Wrath had his eyes on him. He felt his drilling gaze during meals. When the Brotherhood got together in King's study before going on patrol, Wrath emphasized to everyone that there was no room for errors. As Wrath had said, no matter what shit occupied their brains, on patrol the only thoughts allowed were on protecting themselves and killing lessers.

 

On patrol, he had been partnered with John Matthew lately, which suited him just fine. The kid seemed perpetually warring with his inner demons, coming to the surface exclusively to fight the enemy. But the nights on duty were also tedious, tens of miles of walking every night and no lessers. Since the raids, the lessers had been laying low, but everyone could feel the menace in the air. Something was definitely up. The Supreme Evil didn't disappear just like that.

 

Z woke up cradling Bella. He was still tired; the patrolling night before had been long and unfruitful hunt after lessers. He rolled onto his back and stretched his arms over his head. He still didn't have any real plans but to get Phury upstate. He hoped that persistence would work in his favor. Next to him, Bella stirred from sleep. "You're gonna go to him again?" Bella asked and turned to look at her mate. Z kissed her on the crook of her neck and nodded. "I've got to try. I'm sorry Bella, I know that I should be here with you but..."

"It's okay, he needs you too. We'll be alright." Bella took Zsadist's hand and placed it on her belly. Z could feel his child's movements, and he was overwhelmed with emotion. Never in a million years had he believed he'd become a father. But here he was, feeling the new life bubbling under his big palm. He lifted his arm and slowly traced Bella's jaw line with his fingers. Then he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her deeply. He devoured her mouth and loved how she opened up for him. Finally, he ended the kiss. Bella looked into his eyes and murmured "I love you too."

 

After First Meal, and with Wrath's blessing on tonight's plan, Z dematerialized to the dark parking lot of the worn hotel. He saw the whores positioning themselves to lure in customers. Most of the buildings around the motel were in dire need of renovation or a bulldozer. Z didn't understand how Phury tolerated such surroundings. His twin had always been sophisticated and appreciated the finer things in life. It had seemed like Phury had wanted to balance the scale for being a highly skilled warrior and efficient killer with opera, fine arts, and food and clothes. Phury's perfect manners and polite behavior had always been a matter of honor to him - not to mention how many times they had saved them from challenging situations. To see him in a place like this was unbearable for Z because seeing Phury abandon everything that was essentially him meant that his brother had given up.

 

Phury sat up in his bed and rubbed his face. He felt dirty and probably was too. It might have been, what, one or two weeks since he'd taken a decent shower. But he just didn't give a damn anymore. None of it mattered. The only thing that had significance was his daily doses of heroin.  He stood up, took off his dirty clothes and released the prosthesis from the stump. Thanks to Havers, his artificial leg was the latest carbon fiber innovation on the market. The liner was filthy too, and as he peeled it off, the skin was angry red and abraded. It probably was infected, who the fuck knew. 

 

Phury hopped naked to the bathroom supporting himself on the furniture and wall. He prepared his dose of heroin and sighed as the pain once again subsided. He felt warm and peaceful. At the moment, nothing could bring him down.  He rode the high, just sat there on the toilet lid with his head bowed and his eyes closed.  When he felt the first signs of coldness on his skin, Phury opened his eyes. Slowly he stood up, supporting himself on the vanity, and hopped into the shower stall. First, the water was ice-cold, and he shivered under the spray. After a few minutes under the shower, the water warmed up. He took the cheap soap someone had left there. It smelled nothing like the fancy soaps Fritz got in the mansion, but at least it got him clean. He leaned his back on the wall so that he was able to use both of his hands. The one soap bar was good from head to toe. It made his hair horrendous, but since there was no one to see it, it didn’t matter.

 

His washing routine was sluggish and Phury watched as the water flowed in rivulets down on his body. He used to carry well-defined muscles, honed like a perfectly calibrated machine. Now he'd lost weight, somewhere between 30 to 40 pounds of hard muscle missing from his warrior frame. His pelvic bone was protruding, making him seem like a travesty of his old appearance.

 

It was hard to hold his balance with just one foot as he turned the water off and hopped forward to take a towel. The shower made him feel refreshed, and with the heroin humming in his system, he felt quite alright. Maybe he'd go out and try the feeding again. His last attempt four weeks ago hadn't gone so well. He had hired a prostitute but, in the grimy bathroom stall, he had been unable to take but a few gulps of her blood. He just couldn't do it. He had been repulsed at the dull taste, nothing like the delicate flavor of female vampire's blood. He had given up the task and altered her memory to believe that he was just a client who had paid exceptionally well for a quickie.

 

Phury reached for the frayed towel, and as he was about to grab it, he felt the world tilt as his foot slipped on the wet floor. He fell backward, hitting his head on the toilet seat on the way down. It took him a couple of minutes to comprehend what had happened. He lay flat on the wet, dirty floor, buck naked. He tried to brace himself and stand up but couldn't. His good foot was wedged under the vanity, and he was pinned between the wall and the toilet seat so tight that he could barely move his arms.  There was no way he could raise his upper body high enough to set any weight on the stump.

 

He got angry and tried to yank himself free, but it resulted in nothing more than the scraping off the skin on his arms. "Fuck!" he roared in frustration. What a way to go, naked in this filthy bathroom. Sighing, he stared at the ceiling, trying to gather his thoughts. When he stilled, he felt something warm under his head and then smelled his own blood. Great! He so didn't need this. On the bright side, he wouldn't have to starve to death. He'd bleed out as there was no one to feed him and his last proper feeding had been so long ago, healing would be very slow.

 

He thought of dematerializing out of the bathroom, but the haze of the heroin was still too heavy for him to be able to concentrate enough.  So he tried to calm himself but only despondent thoughts were floating around in his brain. How low had he sunken? Is this what he had wanted out of life? Had he set out to end up on this bathroom floor, addicted to heroin and forsaken by his family? Phury tried to think back to his youth. What had he wanted in life? Was there something that he had wanted to achieve? But he came up with nothing; his whole life so far had been about his brother. First tracking him down and freeing him from the Mistress. Then the ongoing battle of keeping him in line, always the buffer between Z and the world.

 

If he got out of this mess, he'd do something about his life. Maybe leaving the Brotherhood was a good thing. Z was safe now that he had Bella. He could travel, maybe go back to the Old Country. Who knew, he might even find someone to mate there. Although, then he'd have to quit doing drugs. No female of worth would even consider him the way that he was now. The thought of females led him to think about the fact that he actually had several females, forty to be exact. He had a mate already, there couldn’t be anyone else. How the fuck had he wound up in that position? Well, he knew how, he had offered himself for and there was no way he’d force Vishous wear the Primale medallion again but still... It was a scary thought to have all the Chosen depend on him. He didn't want to think about that. He was ashamed how he had let the Brotherhood, the Chosen and above all, the Scribe Virgin down. The mother of the race worked in mysterious ways, but still, he had never lost his faith in Her. Had she lost Hers on him?

 

At times like this, he missed the Wizard. The verbal flocking of the Wizard had been so much easier to take than endure his thoughts.  He closed his eyes and tried to come up with something else to think. But all that was on his mind was the images of disappointment. His mother, unspoken blame for what happened to his twin. His father, when he dragged him to safety from the sun. Wrath, when he had made him turn over his daggers. Zsadist, when he had woken up after the overdose. Cormia, when he had failed to be the Primale.

 

Phury was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't hear the door open and was startled when he heard his twin. "Phury? What the hell you're doing there?". Phury opened his eyes and found himself looking at a set of bright yellow eyes. He felt his anger rise again for no good reason. "Admiring the fucking scenery. What do you think?"

“How long have you been there?”

“I don’t know. What time it is?” Z flipped his phone open, and when he told the time, Phury was surprised.  He had laid there for three hours. Three hours wasted ruminating over all this shit.

Z gazed around. "Where's your prosthesis?"  

Staring again at the ceiling, Phury answered "By the bed. "

Zsadist looked at his brother, laying naked on the disgustingly filthy floor and realized that as warped as the situation was, this might be his lucky break. "If I help you up, will you come with me?"

"Where to?" As tired as Phury was, he was little curious to hear his brother out.

"Somewhere to get your shit together. To quit this," Z said pointing to his needle and other equipment on the counter.

"You've found a facility for addicted vampires? Havers?" Phury was puzzled.

"Fuck no! Just you and me.” There was silence as Phury pondered on Z’s words.

“So, what's it gonna be? Stay where you are or come with me and get clean?" Zsadist leaned on the doorjamb and crossed his arms over his chest.

"You're blackmailing me now?"

"No. I'm giving you the chance to choose."

"So, you're in no way exploiting my situation?"

"From my perspective, things are pretty simple."

"If I decline, you'll just leave me here to die?" Phury couldn't believe they were having this conversation. On the other hand, of course, they were. Zsadist didn't give a shit about appropriate times and places.

"At this rate and the life you're leading, you'll be dead soon either way." Z sounded neither sarcastic nor worried. His deep voice was indifferent. He was merely stating a fact. Phury saw the worry in Z’s eyes and realized that maybe this was his last chance. Z wouldn't come back for him again. Phury felt the high wearing off and already the dull ache slowly creeping back to his body. His choices were limited and it was the oblivion he had wanted, not death. "Okay. Whatever," he muttered, complying to Z's terms.

 

Z bent down on his haunches and grunted lifting Phury up. He helped him back to the bed, and while Phury attached his prosthesis, Z called Fritz for a pick-up. He collected all of Phury's drug paraphernalia into a plastic bag. Zsadist saw his twin eyeing the bag while Phury clothed himself and gathered all of his scant belongings.

 

"Are you ready?" Z asked standing in the doorway. Phury nodded and stepped into the night. What a night it had been. Phury feared the forthcoming rehab. He did not trust his twin's harsh methods to get things accomplished. But without him, he still might be on the bathroom floor, stuck under the vanity. Leaving the motel was a major improvement.

 

They stood by the roadside, both of them in deep thoughts. Passersby gave them a wide berth, Zsadist’s menacing figure all clad in black leather ensuring that they were left alone. Phury shivered in smudged sweatpants that sagged on him. He felt the brush of Z’s shoulder when he waivered over his own two feet. It was his silent cue to lean on his brother, and he reluctantly accepted it. Shortly after they say a black luxury Mercedes approach, and Fritz stepped out of the car. Phury greeted the old butler warmly, who appeared to be glad to see him after such a long time. "Master Phury," he said kindly and opened the door to the back seat. They sat in silence while Fritz set out to the Adirondacks.

 

 Phury felt tired. His body, cradled by the supple leather back seat, gave up and fell asleep. He woke up when the car came to a halt. Fritz opened the door and, when he stepped outside, he had no idea where he was. They stood in front of an enormous log house; it was more like a castle.  It had a beautiful porch that went around the whole structure. Big green spruces and pines surrounded the house, and there was a path laid out of flat stones that led to a lake. It was breathtakingly beautiful, the moonlight making the scenery almost magical. Phury drew in the fresh mountain air and asked: "Where are we? Whose house is it?"

 

"It's Rehvenge's. C'mon, let's go inside." Phury waited for Z to retrieve the key and turn off the security.  After they stepped inside, Phury immediately felt comfortable in the house. It was cozy in spite of its size and welcoming, covered everywhere natural wood surfaces and warm, earthy tones.

 

Z dropped his bag by the door and put on the light in the guest room that was at the end of the hallway. "This is yours. Get settled. Fritz made us something to eat. I'll go set it in the kitchen." Phury looked around in the large room. The room had a bathroom, a big, inviting bed and a couch in front of a large TV. Yeah, so much better than the shitty motel room. It would have felt good to be back in civilization without the ache and slowly increasing anxiety as the dawn neared. His body had gotten so used to getting its regular fix, that his inner clock anticipated the exact time of the coming relief. Bit by bit his pulse quickened, and he felt the first beads of sweat on the back of his neck. He found it hard to think coherent thoughts, like his mind was bouncing inside his skull. He felt the dread in the pit of his stomach when the truth of not having access to his drugs hit him. His breath hitched and he leaned on the doorframe, trying to anchor himself to reality.

 

After gathering himself, Phury joined Zsadist in the kitchen where he was setting the table with the sandwiches that Fritz had made for them beforehand. Phury wasn't hungry; the mere thought of food made him nauseated, so he just sat and watched Zsadist eat. When he thought of it, it was kind of funny how the tables had flipped. It used to be Zsadist starving himself while Phury enjoyed  the delights of a fine table.  

 

Z noticed how Phury drummed his fingers and visibly startled when the steel shutters covered the windows. Z detected more than a hint of panic in those citrine eyes. All the signs suggested that they were in for a long day. "Come on, you've got to eat." Zsadist offered him a turkey on rye but Phury just shook his head. He saw how Z took out his phone and texted someone, probably Bella, judged by the ghost of smile on his scarred face when he read the reply. Phury wanted to ask him about her but couldn't. He had no right.

 

Abruptly he stood up, knocking down the chair, and started restless pacing in the kitchen. But there wasn’t enough room. The walls seemed to cave in as his thoughts were filled with images of Bella feeding him. He needed to get out. "I'll look around," Phury said and stormed out of the kitchen. He couldn't be jealous of his brother. Not anymore.

 

Phury felt small muscle twitches on his limbs, including the one he didn't have. Maybe walking would ease this ache that he had all over. He walked to the second floor and back down. And walked up again. And down. He saw Z leave the kitchen and heard the TV turn on in the guest room. And although he was weak and exhausted, Phury continued the stairmaster routine since he was too restless to stay still. He no longer thought of Bella, no, his thoughts were on his current lover, heroin.

 

Two hours later, sweat ran down Phury's face and the shaking of his hands had gotten worse. He halted in the hallway and looked around. He had seen Z gather all his stuff from the bathroom. Where was it? He saw the bag Z had dropped and rummaged it with clumsy hands. He felt like he had lost all his fine-motor skills and his hands felt like useless appendages as he fumbled through the bag. Nothing. Then he went to the kitchen. This is where Z had come in right after they had arrived. He opened all the cabinets. Coming up empty frustrated him even more, and he started to tear things out because he was certain that Z had stashed what he needed somewhere.

 

He was forced to stop when Z grabbed his hand: "What the hell are you doing?" Phury turned his head and looked at him with fury burning in his eyes: "Where is it? Where have you stashed my stuff?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't try to play dumb with me! I saw you take it! Now tell where the fuck is it?"

"Oh, you mean your drugs. You're not gonna find it here. I left it for Fritz to get rid of."

"Phone him to come back." Phury ordered.

"No!" Zsadist tried to stay calm but couldn't quite keep his tone down.

"Just a small dose, please. Look at me Z!" Phury lifted his shaking hands, "I'm hurting. Just to calm me and take the pain away."

"Listen to yourself! That's your addiction talking. You've been medicating yourself for far too long. No more, Phury. No more." There was determination in Z voice when he let go of Phury’s hand and made to walk away from the kitchen.

 

 Anger fumed inside Phury and he launched himself at Z. He caught Z by surprise and they fell in a bundle to the hallway floor. Phury punched Z straight in the jaw. "I need it!" he screamed at his twin and hit him again. Phury's fingers curled around Z's throat. He just wanted the fix. Z threw Phury off him with such force that he hit the opposite wall. Phury's head slammed into the wall with a thud and the wound in the back of his head started bleeding again.

 

Phury got up and stormed to the front door. Z was right behind him and, grabbing him by the neck, he pinned Phury against the door. "You can't open it. It's fucking noon," Z growled into his ear. Phury tried to fight him off but he had no strength left. He tried to plea as Z pinned him harder. "Please Z. Call Fritz. I need just a little, just to make me better. Then I'll quit. I promise Z. You owe me that. Please, it hurts." Phury mumbled his pleas over and over again for what seemed like hours, until he collapsed.  Z stepped away and took a deep breath before kneeling by Phury. "C'mon, I think that you better rest now." With shaking hands, Phury took hold of Z and got up. He swayed on his feet and suddenly made a beeline to the bathroom. He barely made it before he threw up.  After he was done, he washed his face and when he looked at the mirror, he saw Z staring at him. Ashamed Phury averted his gaze and shuffled back to the guest room.

 

Phury sat on the bed and then the nausea hit him again. This time he didn't make it to the bathroom. Luckily Z had quick reflexes and shoved a paper basket in front of him just in time. Now sweat was pouring out of him and the ache had turned into pulsating pain. He took off his soaked shirt before he vomited again. He felt like his intestines were changing place, squirming inside him like a pit of snakes.

 

 As his withdrawal symptoms got worse, he lost track of time. He asked Z to turn off the lights because it was too bright. He felt sand behind his eyelids rubbing against his eyes so bad that water ran out of them. The fabric of his sweats felt too rough for his skin so he stripped out of them. It took him forever to get them off because his movements were so uncoordinated and his skin was too sensitive to touch. He had also torn off his prosthesis in the process because the pain was too much to bear and still it hurt like hell. Every time the wave of pain hit him, his legs sawed against the sheets, making it worse. The sheets were broken glass shards under him no matter how he tried to lie there. He tried sitting up, but his muscles just shook under the strain and he collapsed back to the bed. Hot needles pierced his joints and all he could do was to hug himself as he lay there in a tight bundle.

 

Z stood by the bed, his hands deep in his pockets. He felt so helpless, just like the time when had held Phury in his arms in the back of the truck after saving him from the lesser’s torture.  What the fuck did he know about drug withdrawal? He looked at the bed, the sheets soiled with vomit and sweat and blood as Phury's head was still bleeding. And his twin? A pale, sweaty shivering lump on the bed. Wailing in pain. It killed him to watch his brother suffer. For hours and hours.  He wasn’t even sure if Phury was conscious anymore, only the shallow, rapid breaths signaling that he was still alive.

 

Phury felt like he was burning up from the inside. His throat felt raw, his stomach still convulsing and heaving although there was nothing left to vomit. Through the haze he could feel Z pressing something cold and wet on his forehead. His eyes and head hurt so bad that he had to keep his eyes shut. Even breathing was agony.

 

Now it was Zsadist’s turn to be anxious. He just didn't know what else to do. It had been almost 24 hours since he had brought Phury here and things didn’t look good. He had tried to place cold towels on Phury's feverish forehead but it seemed to make things worse as he didn't tolerate the slightest touch. What if the withdrawal killed Phury? It certainly seemed possible when he looked at him. What the fuck was he thinking when he thought he could help Phury?

 

He missed Bella, needed to be in her arms. Needed her wise words and soothing voice to calm down. Phury was right, he was feeling guilty for all the things he had in his life now. He wanted Phury to have the same, someone to love him as unconditionally as Bella loved him. But nobody could love a dead man.

 

Z took another look at the vampire in agony on the bed and made a call."V?"


End file.
